Batman

*in starbucks kid in front of me ordering*

kid: i will have a tall hot chocolate please

Star bucks guy: do you want whip cream?

kid: no thanks

me: what the hell!

me: who doesn’t like whip cream

me: that’s like saying you don’t want love

kid: ….

Starbucks guy: ……

Star bucks guy: that will be 4 dollars

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My mom is yelling at my brother and I overheard this.

• Mom: GO TO YOUR ROOM
• Brother: that's not fair
• Mom: DO AS I SAY.
• Brother: You never send Lizzie to her room when she's in trouble!!
• Mom: Lizzie never leaves her room. If she were in trouble I'd make her sit in the living room or go outside or talk to human beings.
• Me: I CAN HEAR YOU.

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• me: I should go shower now
• (five minutes later)
• (another five minutes later)
• (yet another five minutes later)
• (more five minute intervals)
• someone: (goes into the bathroom)
• me: wow fuck you I was JUST about to go take a shower

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• me: does five sit-ups
• me: where are my abs

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My thoughts while lurking through Facebook

• Me: what the fuck
• Me: seriously?, you're like 5 years old.
• Me: slut
• Me: whore
• Me: "oh watch out, we have a bad ass over here"
• Me: shut up, your boyfriend left you because you're a whore
• Me: stfu you attention seeker
• Me: bitch you ain't clever, you got that from tumblr
• Me: PUT YOUR BOOBS BACK IN YOUR SHIRT GIRL!
• Me: no one cares
• Me: Do i even know you?
• Me: You're annoying, no one cares what you are eating
• Me: Stop posing like that.
• Me: thanks for inviting me, you bitch.
• Me: I hate you all
• Me: back to tumblr.

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